[USER]

I don’t want to be one of those wife’s that controls her husbands spending but my husband spends so much money on useless stuff and it adds up. I will remind him how much money we have in our checking so he’s aware at times but this only works temporarily and then he’s back at it. He has no idea what we have in our savings because I handle the finances and I have started putting more money in our savings just to keep him from spending it all. Any ideas welcome, if anybody has gone through it. Please don’t say to give him an allowance because I won’t do that.

[Reta]

I don’t call it an allowance. My husband & I each have individual accounts separate from one another. Every pay day, we each get a pre-decided amount transferred to our individual accounts. The idea is that it is to be used for gas for the month AND any spending money. If it’s not in the individual account, it MUST be discussed with the other.

If it IS in the individual account, it is his to do with as he pleases as long as he is rationing for gas too.

It works very well for us because we BOTH live by this rule. (I also manage our finances.)

[Sherry]

It’s not an allowance it’s a spending budget.

[Sylvia]

Do bills together. He needs to grasp the idea of what he’s putting you through.

[Sharon]

My husband and I sat down and added up all out needless expenses within the last month and realized we spent $2,000 on food delivery alone!!! That woke us up because that is WAY too much to be spending on that. He didn’t realize how much we were spending so to have him on the calculator while I said numbers from our account was helpful.

His eyes started to get big as I kept on going.

I was shocked as well! So we made a packed to only order food once a week instead of basically every day like we were going.

[Suzanne]

I understand you don’t want to give him an allowance, but perhaps you and he could agree that he will only use cash and that he will get so much cash per week for these small purchases. He may not even realize himself what he is spending.

I found that when we took out cash every Friday to spend on silly stuff it was more manageable.

I also learned that my husband spent a lot of stuff at lunchtime, and I took my lunch to work so I always had money left at the end of the week and he did not.

Useful: What are the rules or mantras that you use to stop yourself from spending money?

[Barbara]

Separate finances and get marriage counseling.

[LoRae]

So, I’ve been with my boyfriend 14 years and he’s so, so very bad with money. I basically added all of our bills together and found the annual total. Then I divided it by 12 and then by 4 and then by 2. The final number is what he has to give me every Friday.

I don’t care what he wastes money on as long as I get that from him.

[Diane]

My husband has his accounts, I have mine, and we have our business account.

This is how we have peace and joy!

[Kate]

I was in a similar situation. Turned out when we separated, I no longer had a shortage of money. Sometimes you can’t see how bad it is when you’re in the thick of it. Good luck to you.

Hopefully you can find someone with more respect for you and similar financial goals.

[Kimberly]

You can do whatever you want.

My husband has his own bank account. He makes good money and yes, I transfer money into it but he’s responsible for it. We agreed on how much money he thought he would need and that’s how much I transfer. He has access to all of our accounts, he can get more. I’ve agreed that whatever he spends the money in “his” account on is none of my business. He spends it on thing I find useless but it’s his money. This system has saved us. If he wants to buy snack food or golf or nicotine I say nothing.

[Janell]

I am a SAHM and I handle the finances, it’s not an “allowance” it’s an alloted amount of money that he can spend however he chooses. I have the same thing. Include him in the budgeting and maybe seeing exactly where the money has to go will help too

[Linda]

An allowance would be the best way. An amount you both agree on and stipulate between you that you won’t go over that amount. Then….when he is buying useless stuff don’t make comments so he can feel he’s not under a microscope for his spending once you’ve agree on the allowance. It will take adjustment for both of you, but it will bring more happiness and peace into your budget and household.

[Penny]

My husband and I have always had separate accounts.

We calculated the bills and decided what goes into savings. We add a little extra and all this goes into a joint account.

The rest of our personal income goes into our own accounts. Sometimes I make more sometimes he does. My money is mine to do with as I like and his is his.

This has worked for over 25 years.

[Donna]

My husband willingly turned over all finances to me years ago, when I offered a generous cash allowance which I would never question how he spent it. We have negotiated increases on his allowance over the years.

When it’s cash in their pocket, suddenly they become less of a spendthrift. No telling how much money he has squirreled away. He calls it his attitude money and he calls me the minister of finance.

Recently he thanked me for doing such a good job with the finances over the years.

The person who’s best with handling money should be the one who handles it.

[Rita]

My husband is a spender so what works best for us is that he has his own checking account where his spending money gets deposited so he can use his debit card as he wishes. It isn’t an allowance – this is our agreed upon budget for personal expenses that are not open to discussion. If he wants to spend it all on McDonalds or video games I cannot complain one bit! Or if he saves it up and buys a new tv, that was his to decide.

Beyond that we communicate for anything that is household related. Just a weekly check in on what we need, what’s broken, what would be nice to have, etc. Makes it easy to add things to our weekly Walmart trip list or plan a hardware store trip if we have a project going on. We really view that we are a team and making unilateral decisions doesn’t work well long term.

[Debbie]

My husband and I called it ME money!! I was amazed by how he started holding on to it because he loved the idea of cash in his wallet. He learned to budget all on his own. I was very proud of him. No one likes to be told, especially my husband, on how to spend money he worked for so by both of us getting the same amount each month, he loved it.

[Erika]

Write a budget together. Then when he overspends you can point to the agreed upon budget and not just your opinion that he is spending too much. He may have no idea what is needed to run the household and plan for the future, and this may show him the negative effects of his behavior.

[Author]

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