I really would love to know if I’m the asshole here

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  • #86946 Reply

      So, my partner and I started a company this year. Some back story: I have kids from a previous marriage, he does not. We live in separate houses and our finances are not combined in any way. He is financially well off (worth around 7 mil and does hard money lending to keep making money on it). I am just your average, barely keeping my head above water mom. I’m not financially irresponsible, but clearly there is a big divide between us.

      So, we started an e-commerce company together in January. We are equal share partners. We understood in the beginning that the initial investment in our manufacturing would be around 50-60k. He initially said that he was fine investing that money because he understood I didn’t have it.

      Flash forward and he wants to do a dynamic equity model where we track our hours put in and financial investment to modify our stake in the company accordingly.

      I’m not sure why it feels so devastating to me but it does. We each put a similar percentage of our money toward the business, he just has a lot more than me. Similarly, on time, he can invest more time because he doesn’t have kids or any other job.

      I love him so much and I do think that he is the life partner for me, so why am I having a hard time with this? It seems practical to him. It seems weird to me to think that one day our ownership could be more like 70/30 when I have put just as much love and passion in to it. Am I being a baby? He does have some pretty big hang ups around money, particularly with feeling like he has taken care of partners in the past and them not carrying their weight. I get that completely but I still feel grossed out by it all.

      Please help!

      #86947 Reply

        Take feelings out of this. Write down what is a fact vs what is a feeling. Then evaluate your situation and see if it still makes sense or not.

        About giving love, sweet and blood to the thought or company – Remember Steve Jobs was thrown out of apple that he conceived and created.

        #86948 Reply

          I can see both sides. He put in more money and has put in more work so he should get more ownership/profit. But you two agreed to the terms and he’s trying to change it in his favor.

          I’m a also a single mom so it’s hard. I think you both have valid points and I would consider how this will effect the relationship long term.

          #86949 Reply

            Should have had a contract in the beginning. I would definitely write one now.

            You don’t have as much stake in the business. Not as much as you thought. You aren’t doing the work.

            At the same time, if it were me in a serious relationship with a man much wealthier who knew I struggled more with money and time, he would definitely be taking care of me financially in some way, whether or not he pulled something like this on me. I wouldn’t care in things situation because I’d know I’d be taken care of either way and the duties we’d be responsible for would be more clearly lined out. Which makes for a much better business.

            Him being sensitive and afraid of being taken advantage of due to his experience with past women comes down to his lack of boundaries and he needs to work on that before getting into a serious relationship with a woman with children (assuming you’re a woman). You DESERVE help, you’re not entitled to it but a good supportive serious partner would lighten your load.

            Just tell him how you feel about it. It can be simple like “I feel sad” he can say “why” and you can say “I feel sad that this wasn’t our original agreement and now I’m confused about what we’re doing and I’m overwhelmed with all my other things. It would feel so great to be able to drop something and spend more time on this with you since I’m really passionate about it”

            His answer will clearly depict if he cares about your feelings.

            #86950 Reply

              In my opinion –

              If you all were married , living together , doing life together etc then I would not look at this stuff as “who has what split “ . I’m sure you all have good and legitimate reasons for not approaching it that way . But that frames my overall perspective . From my vantage point and the facts provided it seems like someone you are dating rather than a “partner “ . With that perspective I don’t use the “it’s all just ours “ kind of approach Wich I would if the circumstances were different.

              I’m not sure the nature of the business but I do not think I would be dividing it based on hours spent (unless hours spent is fundamentally what drives value in your business ). I would do a division of roles and responsibilities . maybe you all can agree on what a 50/50 split of roles and responsibilities would be and then it will be more clear what the right answer is . If you truly are going to be doing much less of the important roles and responsibilities in the company going forward and you didn’t put in as much then imo 50/50 doesn’t make much sense .

              Conversely if you are going to be completing what you all agree is roughly half the work but you have to do it at nights when the kids are asleep or find ways to do it more efficiently or whatever then I wouldn’t care how many “hours “

              It took Each person to do their part. Just generally division on hours doesn’t make sense to me but division based on responsibilities does .

              If something like this can’t work out I’d look into him just buying you out and then he can do this on his own and you all can continue to pursue the rest of your relationship without this aspect clouding it .

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