[Ellis]

It feels like everything has to be planned well in advance, and I wish I had more friends willing to just casually meet at the park, joining in for game nights, or having dinner parties. My husband and I have lived in our area for about a year and made some good friends, but we seem to be the only ones who will regularly host. (I know it’s partly because people don’t have much space living in the city.)

What have you all tried that works well for you?

[Tara]

We moved to a town with a population of 15000. We’ve been here less than two years and we know about a quarter of them, at least by sight. The town sponsors a lot of events, and the same folks keep showing up.

[Kiana]

We have a monthly game night. It’s potluck and all ages. Sometimes neighbors come, friends, coworkers, and even relatives. We keep it simple but fun. We also do a musical devotions where my neighbors and friends can come and share interfaith prayers. Because both are always on same schedule ppl just show up… no inviting/reminders necessary on my part.

The devotional we did for 5 yrs first fri (1 no show and max 40 ppl)

Game night we have been doing for 5 months in New neighborhood… 1 with 2 ppl renst 10-30 (we make it free flow so ppl can come stay for a bit then go)

[Lori]

I’m following this for ideas. It’s not easy! When we moved to our current home 34 years ago, we joined a church and had a fairly active community. The community has broken down and many people have left the church due to political reasons, lack of interest or age. Most of our friends were 15 years older than we were, and they had kids that no longer needed a babysitter to go out. The age difference wasn’t that big a deal then. Now we are 65 and they are all 80 and above. We have been limited by our ages and abilities at this point. As one of our friends said to me before Christmas “this is the year we got old”. It was heartbreaking to hear. We are childless and don’t drink alcohol or coffee, so it’s been difficult to get re established with a new group of people. I am retired but I have a serious lung disease so covid has really shut down my options. I hope to be well enough to volunteer someday.

[Fadya]

If I recall a Ted Talk on how to make friends as adults:
1. Show up consistently
2. Find things in common
3. Take initiative

[Cindy]

We struggle with this too. We have young kids and it seems like everyone else is so busy doing 1000 events for their kids but no one can seem to find time to hang out. We choose a more chill, intentional with our time lifestyle but it feels hard to get anyone else to slow down and enjoy life a little. We do host other families for dinner every few weeks but they don’t usually return the favor and everything has to be planned a month in advance.

[Victoria]

samesies! but I persevere and host. I have one former neighbor in my second home area who said I can just stop by unannounced anytime and will be welcomed, but she is from the same area I’m from in Eastern Europe. I have another friend like that in the area of my first home and she is also Eastern European. Maybe you need to make Eastern European friends, as we are very much accustomed to show up unannounced lol

Also, if you are open to hosting female travelers, ping me and I’ll add you to the page I”m a member of. I have hosted from that page, and my experience was astonishingly amazing, I’ve made a friend for life and she is bugging me to pay her a visit 😛 and she has a gorgeous home too, so definitely has been a win for me in terms of establishing a worldwide community. Now, I just need to start traveling again and visit my new friends, so in that regard, the ball is in my court

[Gráinne]

All of my friends are having kids now but myself & my husband don’t have that option.
Trying to arrange a simple cup of coffee needs about 6 weeks notice & it’s like trying to plan a military operation. And then normally on the day, ‘one of the kids is sick.’
I wish we could make friends with other childless couples.

[Lori]

I started two hyperlocal Fb groups years ago that have been amazing for this—one is a buy nothing/free box, and the second is called neighbors for hire.

The free box is an incredible community group. It’s about so much more than the stuff.

My street does flamingo Fridays in the summer (we’re in Chicagoland)—we stick flamingos in someone’s yard and that’s where everyone is invited to come hang out outside that Friday. Folks bring food, drinks, and chairs.

We have a little uptown area with local businesses and a town square. There’s tons of events there that being people together.

My little city is amazing I will come back with more ideas. We had a horrific mass shooting last summer at our fourth is July parade, and afterwards it was clear how close our community is. People came together in the most amazing ways after what happened.

[Margarita]

I’m a joiner so I’ll sign up for volunteering groups, brunch and book clubs, running groups, Junior League etc. but why can’t you make plans with people? Everyone is busy. When I put something in my calendar, I do it, but I need to be able to plan the rest of my week around it—even if that’s meeting up in a park for a chat. That’s just part of being an adult (especially if you live in a city where there’s tons to do every day of the week).

[Ursula]

I did weekly board game nights every wed. The group I pinged every week with a reminder was about 20 people and we usually got from 4-8 that could make it. Folks new it was casual, would drop in with more friends, and we kept this going for years.

[Olivia]

My neighbor moved across the street from me about 5 years ago and brought the entire neighborhood together. She has bonfires a few times a season and invites everyone on the block or few blocks. Grownups sit and talk while kid play. It is usually last minute and super casual but that helped us all meet. Now there is a real sense of community and support. When I asked her about it she said it was scruffy hospitality. I like that idea.

[Author]

Posts