How much do you care about what your partner does for work?

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  • #92521 Reply

      I strongly dislike talking about work, mainly because I feel like my identity is so different from the work I do. 

      I truly feel like, I could go for quite a while without knowing what the person I’m dating does for work as long as they promise me their work is legal, respectable, secure, and they’re financially responsible.

      I really honestly don’t care and strongly dislike that work talk is default conversation and so much of folks identity. Who are you outside of work is so much more important to me.

      #92522 Reply

        For most people, work accounts for a third of their life.

        I think how people choose to spend that big of a chunk of their lives can be very telling.

        I also want people to understand all parts of me, not just one.

        #92523 Reply

          If you love what you do, work is absolutely PART of your identity. Of course there are many parts of you but I’d say that your professional plays a role in who you are and the way you see the world.

          Think of it if you are an accountant, a fashion designer, a coach, etc they all have different lenses of how they see life, and part of that is because of what they do for a living.

          #92524 Reply

            I can say that in other countries “what do you do for a living?” is not even a question any one asks other people. It would be considered rude, and should only be discussed if it comes up organically in conversation.

            Idk why in the US it is such a big deal.

            Don’t miss: How can I find someone to partner with me on a property for short term rentals?

            #92526 Reply

              I think it matters a little.

              Like what if they work for a political action group you despise? There are a lot of other examples but I don’t want to offend anyone…but maybe there are ethical contradictions to my values that could become an issue.

              It’s not EVERYTHING but it is something.

              #92527 Reply

                Jeri Jeri

                It’s actually quite important to me what someone does for work and why because it can tell a whole lot about their character, their values and their goals. It’s not the prestige of the job so much as what their journey reveals about them.

                If they became a lawyer, what sort, why? A teacher, an artist, a chef, an animal trainer. Did it take years of dedication, commitment and hardwork? Are they a brilliant talent? What do they love about their job? Why? What do they dislike? How do they resolve that?

                Even if it’s not a career but a job to pay the bills for now, how they handle it and how well they do it shows a lot. How do they deal with conflict and stress from work? Are they doing a menial job but at the same time working hard toward something else? People show who they are most when things aren’t going swimmingly and they face adversity.

                Yes, some people do over identify with their careers. I just exited an extremely high profile, prestigious line of work and far too many in the profession cannot draw a line between who they are as a person and their career, to their detriment and that of their families. But I can tell you, not one of them would be there of they didn’t exhibit a high level of a certain skill set. These carry over into their personal lives.

                Also, seeing your SO at their work doing their thing and being great at it is amazing! You learn to view them, appreciate them and respect them in different ways than before.

                We are all multi-faceted beings and knowing only the personal side of someone is like looking at one side of a jewel and covering up the other part.

                And since this is a finance group, it would be prudent to have at least a decent idea about what your legally bound spouse does, what it requires, and more directly how they are compensated. Plenty of people have no idea about these things and then when one passes or something goes awry, the uninvolved partner struggles.

                #92528 Reply

                  To me, it’s such a large portion of our days so of course I want to know about it. It’s not that I care about whether you’re a receptionist or a factory worker or a VP, but moreso that I just want to know about your day.

                  I would find it weird if I dated someone for a while and didn’t get to know that part of their life.

                  #92529 Reply

                    I get the sentiment but what we choose to do for a living does say a lot about a person.

                    Not every job we have is a dream job and that’s OK.

                    I think that overall, we want to get to know someone and also, we want to be seen.

                    #92530 Reply

                      I love my work. My husband loved his work. We met at work. We were both in the same line of work. So we talked a lot about work. I traveled with him all over the country & outside of the country because of his work (and my work being remote and allowing it).

                      I formed great friendships through my work and his (we never worked for the same company) and vice versa. And work does somewhat define a person and a person generally finds work based on their unique personality.

                      But we both have a life outside of work as well that makes up the other parts of our identity.

                      But idk what I’d do if I couldn’t talk about work with my spouse (b/c he’s retired and I’m still working).

                      It would seem really odd because he’s my sounding board and I was his…

                      #92531 Reply

                        I can’t date plodders – need someone with ambition and drive, who has a growth mindset. As long as they have some drive towards career and self development and don’t do anything unethical I don’t mind what they do. I went on a date with a guy who said he was a ‘financial analyst’ but turned out he calculated the odds for betting – didn’t see him again as felt uneasy about that.

                        I also wouldn’t date someone who would make my family a target ie if they worked in intelligence or something high profile and controversial

                        #92532 Reply

                          This would be so hard for me not to ask about. I’m always curious about what people choose to spend their time doing. It is a large part of a lot of people’s identities just because of how much time they spend at work. It’s far from the most interesting or important thing to know about someone, but I still want to know.

                          #92533 Reply

                            I care a lot. I don’t want to be with someone who is willing to throw away *half* of his waking hours on something he’s not excited about doing. It doesn’t interest me in any sort of “status” way, but rather as another way to learn about his personality.

                            I am drawn to people who get excited about what they’ve chosen to do. It’s all a PART of who we are, in one way or another.

                            #92534 Reply

                              My career is a big part of my identity. I work in mortgage and find myself often times working more than the standard 40 hours a week, logging in to laptop and talking with clients etc nights and weekends as needed. It’s important in a relationship for me to discuss this and for the partner to be understanding of me having to sometimes take calls or respond to texts or emails in non standard working hours.

                              It is also great to have a partner that can be a sounding board to vent frustrations to and to also celebrate wins with.

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