[USER]

We’ve been married for 5 years and our incomes have been pretty much equal although he’s making more than me in the last 2 years with side gigs. Despite that, his saving and investment combined is 1/3 of mine. He’s not fancy in his lifestyle but also not agressive in saving and investing. He is not willing to take lunch box to work, spends extra money and time on his hobbies (fishing gears and boats), snack and stuff for his random projects; it took me a while to convince him to open a HYSA and set up recurring contribution because he would not even bother moving his money from his checking account for investing/saving. We are still not able to buy a house because I’m trying to stick with 30% income rule while meeting his preferences for a house.

I feel like we could have been able to move faster and do more as a couple if we are both on the same goal/path, now I feel like I’m being slowed down in achieving financial goals not only as a couple but also my personal financial goal (i could easily save 70% of my monthly income if I live by myself compared to 50% like now). After 5 years, I honestly feel tired of convincing him and lonely in this journey even though we are a couple. He’s a wonderful husband and has many good traits but it’s hard to see a bright financial future with him.

[Shuree]

I feel most husbands are hard to change. The only thing we can change is our perspectives, habits, and choices. It is really hard to convince my husband to change, so I understand what you mean. Either you accept him as is or separate from him. I am curious what other men think about this in this community.

[Seth]

Have you communicated this to him? How his inaction makes you feel.

A wonderful husband cares about the family goals and his wife’s concerns.

There may be some middle ground to where he is and where you are but sounds like there needs to be a serious conversation because the financial future is a big part of your future as a couple and sounds like you are losing respect for him with how he treats your finances.

Suggested: I’m considering 3-5 months slow traveling when I’m officially FIRE. What’s your monthly budget?

[Shuree]

Be patient. And life needs to be enjoyed as you live it. Your savings rate is impressive.

[Rachel]

Watch the podcast I will teach you to be rich – it’s basically couples counseling for money and aligning on life goals to then plan accordingly.

[Scott]

Sounds like it’s his and hers finance, not combined. It can be hard to row in the same direction like that. I’d have a serious conversation with him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him exactly what you need and why. If he adjusts fire, good.

If he doesn’t, you learned something and have some decisions to make.

Have you seen: What would you do at the end of FIRE?

[John]

Whenever something has come up in my long marriage and its important to my wife I make it happen despite the direction I was headed in. My wife does the same.

[Kathy]

Our entire marriage, my husband had extremely low paying jobs. But he put his family as his priority. He wanted to be home from work around the time the kids did so he would have all evening with them. I think he went to every game all of them had. Many times he was the one to pick them up from school. I got frustrated that we near a large city with many union jobs but he wouldn’t go look for one. He always had jobs without any retirement plans. This also got me mad. At one point I was going to divorce him. Like you, I could live on my own salary and do better with my finances, I thought. But then I looked at the man himself, and all his good points. And they far, far, far outweigh his negatives. So if I just accepted the man for who he was, and stopped trying to change him, I would enjoy my marriage much more. And I did. Sometimes people just cannot get over the trauma they experienced in their earlier years. It caused such mental emotional damage to them that they just needed to survive. They just wanted to be happy. So my Financial future is now up to me since he died 10 months ago. I can now implement goals I wasn’t able to before. But doing so alone is not fun. I would give nearly anything to have him back.

You have to put a value on how much an extremely good husband is worth you. That is far more important of a net worth than any dollar bill would be. As others have suggested, you could ask him, “would you please watch this video with me?“ Without any nagging, complaining, or even hinting at asking him to change. Just asking him to watch the video with you. You want to get his opinion afterwards. You can even say you may be thinking about things wrong, and would like his input. It appears to his logic side of his brain, he may start tipping his toe in the water.

Having goals conversations is fantastic because then you could say, “how could I help you accomplish your goals? Or “I know fishing is important to you. How can we make this happen for you while also saving some money at a higher percentage? We are a team here.

[Lauren]

Have a goals discussion. See if you can find common goals and gear the savings towards that. It’s hard to convince someone to save when they don’t care about the end goal or maybe doubt it’s achievable.

[Veronica]

I would suggest, be patient, he Will get there. Good husbands are hard to find, it just takes time to make changes. Keep listening to podcast or seeing videos, if he is around You he naturally Will become curious, and then talk about this, have some serious conversation. It Will catch on.

[Author]

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