My wife and I share one account. Both of us write checks (now credit cards and Venmo) out of that account. We do not split expenses or assign shares on anything. I am, by far, the highest earner and have never given a moment of time thinking “I am getting screwed.” I was just ecstatic to share my life with her.
I always made sure her retirement accounts were maxed out even though her income would have made that very difficult. Today she had 7-figure accounts.
The entire pool of money in our household was JOINT money. I was delighted when she bought herself stuff that she would not have been able to afford herself. And she always drove the best car.
Early in our marriage, we had very little money and we had a hard and fast rule that neither of us could spend more than $20 (outside of essentials like food/gas, etc.) without talking to the other person. And we tracked expenses to the penny every single night on a 13-COL pad labeled with categories like grocery, autos, house, etc. Things are far better now but we remember those struggling days we shared well.
I find it strange/bizarre when a couple does not use a joint account. We are saying we want to share our whole lives but not out whole pocket book? Not sharing all income equally creates a “distance” between the two life partners.
Not exactly sure how this non-sharing works. So one partner with the higher income can buy a Mercedes but the lower earner sticks with Chevy models? If the high earner wants to go on a great trip to Europe that will run $20k, does the low earner not go because they cannot afford it? And if the higher earner says “I will cover a bigger portion of your costs on this vacation so you can go” may sound generous on the surface but it then distorts the relationship psychologically to one of debtor/lender. The lower earner will always feel they are not contributing as much as the other and the higher earners will have an attitude of some superiority. None of this is healthy for the relationship.
