[USER]

I apologise in advance for this very long post. But I am struggling and feeling overwhelmed.

My mother died recently and I am about to inherit a very large sum of money. Grateful of course, because there are so many people struggling financially. However, I feel I can’t share my news with anyone as it would be seen to be boastful. I live in a country where ‘tall poppy syndrome’ is huge. I am posting here because I figured there must be a few people in this group who might have gone through my experience.

In the weeks since my mothers funeral, its been meeting after meeting with Lawyers, Trustees and Investment Fund Managers…. all clamouring for a piece of the pie. All wanting decisions. Of course I knew this day would eventually come, but the reality is actually so different.

Funnily enough I am an accountant. In fact I deal mostly with High Net Worth Individuals. However, as awful as it sounds, over the years it’s literally just become numbers on a page to me. I have probably become desensitized to large numbers of other people’s wealth which I see and deal with each day.

I am also wide awake to those smarmy investment managers, who in the meetings thought I was some ignorant housewife. They started explaining the very basics of investment portfolio management to me  like I was a 5 year old. After 20 mins of listening to them, I finally told them I was an accountant for High Net Worths, and we shared mutual clients. The switch in their attitude was astounding. Partially because of this, I have become mistrustful… and their fees!

I am a down to earth cautious, modest person. Always well presented, but not interested in flashy labels. You won’t see me racing off to the high end shops, and adorning myself in designer labels. I work full time, our home in a good area is mortgage free, we have no debt. We have other investments. We have worked hard. We have 2 high school aged kids.

My siblings attitudes are quite different. One was already pretty wealthy thanks to her husband, (she has never worked) and this new money is just a sizeable drop in an already very large bucket. Their lives wont change much. They love the smoozing, the gifts of Corporate Box tickets to events, the name dropping. Another sibling will be using her share to repay huge residential and commercial property investment loans. Doesn’t care about asset protection.

And then there’s me…..stuck like a deer in headlights, not sure what to do. Feeling burdened knowing the source of the wealth was my very hardworking, entrepreneurial grandfather. Feeling a strong sense of asset protection for my own children.

Would welcome some advice and a virtual hug.

[Dalton]

Sorry for your loss. If there’s no immediate need to invest the money, I don’t personally see any reason to not park it in cash for up to a year while you parse through the emotions and the options and the options the emotions bring up.

[Aereon]

Big hug to you and my sympathies for your loss. Take your time till you are in a less tender state emotionally. There are few truly urgent things to do, although any will push you.

When you are ready, you can make more definitive decisions.

Don’t forgot to update your own will and any account beneficiaries as needed. Good advice above on seeking out a good estate attorney through reputation and recommendation.

[Ed Griffin]

Sorry for your loss.

1) Do nothing. You are too emotional. Wait at least 1 year before you make any financial decisions.
2) Tell NO ONE about the money you inherited. When you are asked about it say something like “the amount I was left barely covered the debt that was owed. I inherited enough to pay a few bills.”

[Harmeet]

You got this! and fortunately you’re a very accomplished professional in this space.

So, my question is – What would you tell a client in your position? How should they go about approaching this situation? Is there a framework you would help them lay out?

[Jay]

Set up a trust for your kids and pass it forward since it won’t affect your financial situation much and sounds like you want to keep your grandfathers legacy alive. Takes the burden off you trying to come up with ways to justify or make changes you. would be uncomfortable with anyhow.

Don’t miss: I am meeting with my first financial advisor – So..

[Jer]

As someone who has worked with a lot of portfolio managers, there’s a reliable way to sort out the good from the bad. Any manager, attorney, etc., calling you and soliciting your business should be immediately crossed off the list.

Those types only stay in business by preying on people in vulnerable situations.

The good ones don’t solicit business – their track record and reputation bring clients to them.

The only professional you should trust is one you’ve researched and sought out yourself.

[Heather]

Can kind of relate. Lost grandparents and parents in my 30’s so my brother and I received a substantial (at least to me) inheritance. I’m 43 now and I haven’t used any of the funds bc I feel like it was given to me under terrible circumstances and they worked hard for this money. I read as much as a I can, and try to align myself with people who can give me true guidance.

Sorry for no real advice other than, give yourself time. Don’t make emotional decisions and treat this money like a gift from your mom. Make her proud that she was able to help make a better life for yourself. She would want that.

Related: I inherited an 80k Ira through Edward Jones that I would like to cash out as soon as I can without significant tax implications

[Katelynn]

Not that I inherited much but the best advice I got from my CPA.

Don’t spend or do anything with the money for 6 months after inheriting it.

Let everything sink in. Your dealing a lot with the emotional aspect and don’t need to make major plans with it. Unless you need to put food on the table or a roof over your head.

I would not go off and pay anyone to manage the accounts since you can do that.

Useful: I did have a CPA file the taxes but are there CPAs that specialize in rentals?

[Esther]

If I were you, I wouldn’t pay any attention to what your siblings do with their portion of the money. They are adults, can make their own decisions, and aren’t your responsibility.

I wouldn’t make any major decisions about what to do with the money just yet. Hold off until you’re feeling less emotional and “lost”. Personally I would put a portion in trust for my kids, make sure any debt is paid off and an emergency fund is in place, and invest the rest.

[Alicia]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Maybe a therapist to help you with grief & someone you can share things with in confidence without being perceived as boastful. Will also catch if there are worthiness issues. As a therapist, I tell clients not to make any big Decisions or moves in any area for 6-12 months.

[Author]

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