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We refinanced our home two years ago. I did not learn until the day we closed my husband excluded my name from the refinancing. My husband said it was an oversight and not intentional. I believed him. We had contractors starting the next week and delaying the refinancing would set us back a year with the work we were having done. We had been married 20 years at that point, were happy and we bought that home together 18 years before.
When we first bought the home his credit was better so only his name was on the financing. I was assured that since we are in a community property state it really did not matter who financed it. When we refinanced two years ago we both made the same salary and my credit was better. Both over 800. He took charge of refinancing and said he had it all handled. I had no reason to believe otherwise.
We are now moving towards divorce. He said he is keeping the house since it is in his name. He said he will split the equity with me. That would leave me with 75,000 if I am lucky.
I want the house. I am the one who has cooked in and cleaned the home. I have taken care of all the repairs, maintenance and improvements. I take care of the yard and pool. In addition, the kids want to stay with me as his behavior is irrational and often verbally abusive. He refuses to seek help and says everyone else is the problem. That would leave him in our home alone.
He said I will have to find another place to live since the mortgage is in his name. I ran the numbers and I cannot refinance and pay today’s rates. I also cannot find another home in our area unless it requires a lot of work which i do not have the money to fund. We also cannot change schools. I cannot trust him alone with the kids.
It is hard to believe that I have to walk away with only $75,000 from the home when he gets to keep the updates I fought for and he didn’t want to spend the money on. Now he loves everything that was done. He also said he is keeping his retirement as it is his and I will keep mine. He has 700k while I have 40k. I had to pay for my student loans that I incurred during the marriage. He convinced me to put all my extra money towards the student loans and other bills we needed to pay as I had no match. He increased his contributions.
Again, we have been married over 22 years and I worked part time when the kids were young because his job was “too demanding”. The kids are older and my job pays the same as his but I am approaching 50 and there is not enough time to save even close to what is needs for retirement.
I guess what I am asking is if I am really left with no choice? Is it possible to assume the mortgage or do I have to refinance? Is it possible he will get to walk away with the home and his full investments? Thoughts or suggestions? I am really at a loss.